***THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE - SEE THE FILM THEN READ THIS***
(although only see the film if you fancy a laugh)
(although only see the film if you fancy a laugh)
Alien vs Predator: Requiem
AKA:
AVP2 or AVP:R
Or as I would've called it:
"Predator swats Aliens like flies until he meets the, ahem, 'Predalien'* who then kicks Predator's ass all around the screen at every opportunity right up until the quite frankly ridiculous ending which is so bad it will remind you of Cube 2, (which sucked)"
But I doubt that would've fit on the poster.
Moving onto the film...
:Man leans on Sheriff Truck, dressed in Sheriff's uniform.
:Man gets into Sheriff Truck but...
...just in case there was still any doubt...
:Camera zooms onto "COUNTY SHERIFF" which is written on the side of truck and allows you to... read... it... really... slowly... just in case you STILL DONT KNOW WHO THE MAN IS.
NEXT!
________________________________________
:Boy delivers Pizza to girl.
:Girl likes boy but has dumb boyfriend.
:Boyfriend doesn't like boy which is made clear by crass comment as boy arrives but...
... just in case there was any doubt...
:camera zooms in on girl's boyfriend who gurns and stares in a comedy WWE wrestler fashion.
NEXT!
________________________________________
:Head chef to waitress:
:Supremely obvious "THIS MAN IS GOING TO DIE!" line alert!
"Don't worry, I'll see you in the morning..."
:Man dies within minutes.
NEXT!
________________________________________
:The 'Survivors' turn up at, what can only be described as, the local corner shop.
:Hero-esque Man: "Where are the guns?"
:Girl (pizza girl from earlier) walks two steps into the store...
:Girl: "Over here!"
Really - that one you just HAVE to see to truly get how hilarious it is.
NEXT!
________________________________________
An homage to Final Destination:
:Blonde walks down corridor.
:Eponymous Hunter fights off a couple of Aliens.
:Eponymous Hunter uses two off-worldy ninja stars (bigger and sharper and make slicy noises when they fly through the air) to dispatch his assailants.
:Off-Worldy Ninja Stars fly through the air and kill Aliens
:One carries on flying and nails the stupid blond bint to the wall!
BRILLIANT!
I actually lol'd at that one. Whoops.
________________________________________
So in equal measure: DONT SEE THIS FILM and DO SEE THIS FILM
And the ending?! OH MY GOD. The ending is HILARIOUS. But I won't ruin it. Promise.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH - I'm STILL laughing!
Put it this way, y'know that bit in Mystery Men when the Blue Raja says:
"I didn't expect to see you so... SPOON!"
Yeah, that bit. Imagine the last line of AVP2 said in that way. Seriously.
Hats off to the directors for making something so brilliantly and fantastically rubbish and hilarious in equal measure.
*sigh*
James
*Clearly THE WORST made up word since 'Quadrilogy'.
1 comment:
You forgot the part where pizza boy's keys get dropped down the drain - get a new set cut? Hell no, take your brother (armed with a baseball bat) into the sewers to go look for them(!!)
Was the stupidest film I ever did saw.
'I thought you said you weren't gonna crash!... ha ha ha'
- Nuff said!
Post a Comment