Pooter trouble

So. Young Roger finishes her last blog entry. Safely tucked up in her pyjamas she sips a late night cuppa whilst settling down to watch Heroes on the laptop.

Immediately, an almighty din ensues and Roger is convinced a Spitfire has somehow gained access to the flat, possibly through an open window, but further inspection reveals the noise to be emanating from the disc drive which appears to be, for want of a more technical phrase, buggered. (They may or may not have been an element of slight droppage earlier. Maybe).

So I fire off an email to Dell. Yes, yes, I know....but it was cheap and it's still under guarantee so worth a try, no?

No.

The reply starts off in a promising fashion:

"I understand from your mail message that the DVD drive is no longer working. Please do not worry, I assure you that we will take care of the issue and resolve it to your satisfaction."

So far so good. A customer service team on top of their game. I felt 'assured'.

Now their first practical suggestion involved an awful lot of technobabble and diagrams. And a screwdriver. I'm sorry, but surely that's something you get a little man in a shop to do? So I ignored that and moved swiftly on.

"If the issue persists then please restore your Dell system to date when it was working fine."

Lets ignore for a moment the niggling fear tat this point that the writer of this missive may not have the world's best grasp of the English language, and move right on to the nub. Effectively they are saying : Your DVD drive is not working. Solve this by travelling back in time to the last time it was working. Then, presumably, try not to break it again.

"Does the issue persist?"

Well, yes, my drive is still f$£ked but frankly now that I have discovered the secret of time travel I shall no longer be needing this puny Earth technology anyway. Oh no, hang on....

Now this, this is my favourite suggestion. The piece de resistance. They really do save the best for last down at Dell Towers:

"If still persists then would it be possible for you to swap the DVD drive with the known good one, if available?"

Translation: If drive is still knackered, replace with one that isn't. (Or, if we're being literal here, replace with "The Known Good One" - WTF?? Your guess is as good as mine).

Luckily, the drive seems to have spontaneously fixed itself as things are wont to do if you ignore them for long enough and give them a few good hard stares.

Dell. You're everything I hoped for and less.

*sigh*

Roger.